September 20, 2009

pressure = cirit birit + sakit kepala yg melampau

i feel so depressed right now...

i felt like i dont wanna go back to puncak anymore...

i just wanna stay here..having fun..fighting with my sis..that's way better than im staying in puncak,having a lot of pressure to carry on my back which i hardly can..

FAR 100..it's hard for me to understand it...i dunno why..but not when it comes to chemy,or physics or science..

tears will roll down on my cheeks each n every time i learn FAR 100..

i want my chemy back..='(

i want to see the experiment made by baby lilly over and over again..sy mau di 'beng2' oleh tcer chemy dkat mukherG..

i dun wanna look at the calculator anymore..n so do frank wood..

the pain im suffering gets deeper by days...

sumhow..i kinda lose all my spirit to work hard..i dunno what i want in my life..all i know is that,i miss chemy so bad..that if i were given a chance to switch FAR 100 to chemistry,i wud have done it earlier..

sometimes...people ask me "what do u want to be in the future?"

n i'll say " a chartered accountant"..eventho i know,i dont even wanna be IT..

i can lie to others by saying that i totally like FAR 100 and give the widest smile,but deep inside my heart,im tortured by it...

tiqah used to say that " kau ni mmg btl2 bdk sains la..otak bdk sains mmg berbeza dgn bdk sastera"

she's rite..totally rite..she can see the real brain of mine..that im not into numbers,and the whole art thingy..

im not into business,not into accounts,computers,maths,..

im still waiting for the miracle to happen each n evry day..reciting prayers so that Allah s.w.t will open my heart to accept AC 110 just the way it is..

every morning when i wakeup,i always tell my heart not to hate ac 110 but to love it...

i do all these things just for one reason...for papa..he wants me to b an accountant so bad that he didnt even give me chances to be with the science subjects...which i totally love..huuu...

i feel so happy n relieved knowing that all my friends out there are happy with what they're doing..sometimes,i hate to be me..i cnt stand for my own right..if i could,i wudnt have take this course..

it's a burden for me taking this course..but demi papa,i will do it..i'll try my best to like it..eventho i know the risk is high..as if im trying to kill the goose that laid a golden egg..

i wanna see the smile in papa's face like what i saw during my spm result came out last march 12th..i miss the smile..n his smgt to come to the anugerah sinar wawasan bcuz i was his first child to receive an award..normally,he will never go to any majlis that was held by the school..n he never has the heart to do so..

sometimes,i keep dreaming of my graduation day..imagining myself wearing a selempang[is it correct?] receiving anugerah naib cansellor..n tears of happiness are all over umi n papa's cheeks..how wonderful it wud be.....sob2...

i hope others can feel the same way like i do..to my FAR lecturer,i wish u cud put urself in my shoes,knowing how hard i am to understand and digest every single thing on FAR..im sorry if im a bit slow when it comes to FAR..n a big sorry for my friends in puncak especially fain,naz,farah and tqah for always menyusahkan korang utk ajar ak yg stil x faham2 sbjek itu..Im sorry for asking too much of out-of-the-box ques...smpai korang naik gila kdg2...huu...



ya ALLAH ya Rahman ya Rahim.....

please gimme the strength to carry on this..

to go through all the hardships..

and to face difficulties in learning AC 110's sbjects...

kasihanilah hamba-Mu yg kerdil ini...

I only do this for papa..

semoga keberkatan dari papa akan memberiku keajaiban..

AMIIIIIINNNNNN.......

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